Day 21: Looking for Positive Signs

Occasionally it is hard to be positive when you don't know exactly what signs to look for.

We are 95 percent positive every day, but there are little things that stick in the back of our minds and occasionally build up. Our attachment with Daniel, or sometimes the lack thereof, and his persistent congestion and cough are sources of frustration.

We've not had very many good night sleeps since Encuentro Day. That has been somewhat expected. Daniel wakes up crying, sometimes a lot, during the night. Ninety percent of the time we believe it is because he is sick. Sometimes we feel as though he may be grieving the loss of his foster mother and best friend, who was adopted the same week as Daniel.

The hard thing is we can't really tell the difference. It's just too early to tell.

Last night was somewhat of a low point. Daniel constantly wanted to be with Claudia. He only wanted to be with me when she was within eyesight. If she wasn't, then he crawled to find her. He also threw up his milk. He cried on and off until four o'clock in the morning.

Each day we give him medicine using an inhaler and mask, and use saline solution and a suction bulb to help his breathing. In order to do both, we have to restrain him. He pretty much melts down every time. I feel like he hates me afterward. He slaps my hands away and wails. Only Claudia can console him.

Depending on what you read or believe, he may or may not be attaching to either one of us. What we see as attachment to Claudia may just be his survival skills. You know, don't bite the hand that feeds you. This is certainly a process. We're 11 months behind most parents regarding attachment. Our bond is still in the beginning stages. We remind ourselves of that daily.

Despite a sleepless night, we woke up Sunday and hung around the house. Claudia and I spoke about some of our concerns. We hugged. We cried. And when Daniel woke up, we put him in the stroller and went to Santa Fe Mall.

While there, Daniel played on the Caterpillar play set again with a bunch of other children. He was in heaven. He crawled in circles around the other children. He also had Chinese Rice for the first time and apparently it's a winner. He wolfed down several spoonfuls. We're trying out new foods with him because we believe he is getting a little tired of soups.

During the evening, he let me feed him almost an entire grilled cheese sandwich; another favorite. He played with me without trying to hunt down Claudia. He has started to "blow kisses" by moving his hand from his mouth to the targeted person; just not consistently. We've been working on that for a couple of days. We think he called me "Papa," also. Claudia fed him one of his favorite fruits. When bedtime arrived, Claudia was able to lay him down in his crib effortlessly.

Overall, it was a great day with Daniel. We continue to be hopeful and pray for a successful transition and attachment with our son. We continue looking for positive signs each day that indicate Daniel thinks of us as parents. This is our prayer. Please keep us in yours.

In Him,
Claudia, Brian and Daniel