Losses and Benefits

It's been a long process to arrive where we are today as it is for all adoptive families.

Our journey has been typical for a soon-to-be adoptive family filled with benefits and losses. Looking back, we can see God's hand in our lives and we maintain thankful hearts filled with joy.

I'm writing this, not to focus on negatives by any means, but rather to give an honest glimpse into what it means to adopt and hopefully encourage others to adopt a child. Much of what I'll write comes from seminars, classes online tutorials and personal experience.

What are some of the "losses," you ask. It's a fair question. We're not experiencing your typical pregnancy.
To start, the announcement carries a different tone. Saying, "We're pregnant," versus "We're adopting," aren't treated the same. I don't know why, but we've had more than one person react with the attitude of "don't give up. You'll have your own child." One person went so far as to pray for us to be healed so we can have our "own" child. Thankfully, most friends and family have been extremely supportive and loving.

Then there are the vocabulary differences. There are birth mothers and birth fathers. There are forever families. There aren't "real" parents or "real children." There's time-in, not time-out. We need every moment possible to build attachment with our child.

Our adoption has changed my perceptions of God's story in the Bible. Until now, I didn't really appreciate adoption's role in the Bible. For example, Moses was adopted by the Egyptians. And Joseph raised a child he didn't conceive. His son's name was Jesus. And one of the most profound scriptures I've come across during this process is James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

While soon-to-be mothers are conspicuous for 9 months, we're not so much. While the mommy's tummy grows, the only thing growing for us has been the mounds of paperwork submitted. I guess that's why it's nicknamed the "paper pregnancy." We lose the opportunity for our baby to "have Daddy's nose, or Mommy's eyes."

On the other hand, we will be a conspicuous family as soon as Little Baby Forrester is in our arms. Many adoptive families stand out because their child doesn't physically appear like them. We'll probably experience something similar. It will be impossible to hide the fact he's 100 percent Hispanic with a 100 percent gringo father.

Many adoptive families don't know important details about their child's background or history. We'll miss the first 10 months of Little Baby Forrester's life. When he is older, it's possible he'll have questions that we won't have sufficient information.

But it's amazing to see God's plan unfold in our lives. Claudia is from Colombia. Her parents, sisters, niece, cousins, aunt and others live in the United States. Many live within an hour's drive of our home. This means our child will be able to continue to experience his Colombian culture in our home. How awesome is that?

One of my greatest joys has been to experience my wife's culture and become fast friends with her family. Our marriage has played an important part in my in laws being able to see their parents and siblings. What a blessing. And now God can bless Little Baby Forrester through our family. How awesome!

God is able to take seemingly negative events and turn them toward His purpose. I didn't know my father until last year. That left a hole in my life that was never quite filled until last Easter when I met him face-to-face for the first time. I feel as though God has prepared me my entire life to accept our son because I'll be able to relate to some of the feelings he will likely have. Unfortunately, he may never be able to meet his birth mother or birth father face-to-face.

The benefits Little Baby Forrester brings to our home are many. First and foremost, we'll be parents. I'd be lying if I didn't say we're a little nervous about this responsibility. He will make me a father, and my wife a mother. He'll make grandparents and uncles and aunts. He will change our family tree forever. And that is the single most, biggest benefit.

Son, we love you before we met you and now I understand how that's even possible. Thank you.